I am a barometer!

  So I honestly do not know the truth of the matter here. The facts seem subject to opinion. Maybe those of you who have an ICD go through the same damned thing as I do. Some days are worse then others.....

   I wake several times a night with pain in my chest. Is it Heart pain also known as Angina? Well from what I am told, No. What it is, is this device sits on a bunch of nerves. And I am fairly easily agitated in the first place so it's not really like I need any extra help here. I wake several times in the night grabbing my box. Sometimes I dream of ripping it from my chest. Some times I lay there plotting a trip to the hardware store and purchasing an x-acto knife and playing Surgeon. Would it really hurt that bad to cut this thing from my chest?

   Then my mind starts in..... there is something in my chest! Some thing! It's trying to burrow through my chest like a gopher. Maybe it's all a dream? Well if it's a dream it really sucks! Then my apparently split personalities start in and some of the shit they say.... You should just rip it out. It would feel so much better if you just cut it out.. its like staples in your boob. Quick get the morphine patch.. then they talk amongst themselves.. He ain't got the balls, well sure he does mr. We just can't let him up to prove you wrong. Who do you think you are any way? Maybe we should go out sometime and leave him here. Yes, he would have to stay home, remember the last time he went out drinkin and partying it up.. Yes, yes. He almost jammed his tooth brush out the back of his head when it shocked him... Wait wait.  We do have to take him with us.. Then the alarm sounds and I am brought back to some form of reality, but really dis appointed that the try to leave me out of things..

  Then through out the day, especially when we are about to get weather I tend to get super sore under this device. I suppose it is ok, because I tend to know when the weather is changeing. But the way the weather is in Colorado.. Holy crap. Rain here, wind there, sunny now, cooler in half an hour. Rain again, hot, cold... Damn I am tired of the pain that goes with it....

  The up side is I am still here and Tiger Balm helps. I am greatful I am still here to complain because I know I am still alive.

 I hope you are well and you have enjoyed reading my blog so far.. This realistically hurts less then the box in my chest at times.....