I think I am "Wal-Mart people"!

   First off, I have to apologize that I have not been writing for a few days. I am trying to get used to my new job, and it has been a little interesting to say the least. Trying to find a life/work balance can be rather interesting. It will come around quickly, but in the mean time a bit of adjustment is in order.

     So over the last few days I have discovered that I have not been drinking enough water. I have had a bit of a headache since last Wednesday, along with feeling a little off. You know, when your brain feels like a shriveled raisin flopping around in you head. Not to mention when you are hot as hell, but you are not sweating. This is a sign of dehydration and says, Hey, Drink some water you big O' dummy. But do we listen? Oh, Hell No! I am bald so I do not have the hair to catch all the sweat like most people. That means my head looks like the hood of a well waxed car right after it rains. The water gets all beaded up, and it can be really uncomfortable. I try to stay cool, but in the heat it is difficult. Perhaps I will need to get approval to wear a hat. I think sweat rolling off a guys head, fits into the stereo type of Big ol Sweaty guy. Now that can be a turn off for people, like selling cars is not already bad enough. I really don't need any additional opposition.

     So yesterday I am wandering through Wal-Mart in my comfy shorts and a wife beater under shirt. What a stereotype. Well I am wandering around the store, thoroughly embarrassing my wife. Although, she has become accustomed to this over the years, so I do not think she even notices anymore for the most part. People stare at you and shake their heads and stuff. And I was actually being on my better behavior yesterday because I was not feeling well. Now here is the thing, I am in my forties and on medications. I have gas like never before, and the gas pills do not help. So I am a guy, and my mind says why fight it? So its fair game to let em fly. I can't exactly hold em, and sometimes when you walk they squeak out with each step. It could be truly embarrassing if you actually cared. Well, I have decided to embrace this new found toy. So when I go to Wal-Mart I get bored pretty quick. I go and look at the men's clothes, and I have found it to be fun to rip off a beauty and disappear, to observe from other places. Inconspicuous places where people would not possibly expect that the stench came from you. I have become quite fond of seeing peoples reactions.

     OK, No I am no where near this obvious. But the reactions people have are funny as hell. I think medication emissions are a bit more offensive than regular as well. So you rip off a beauty, hopefully a silent one, then you slink off around a few racks of clothes or to the end of the aisle, looking like you are entering the aisle. Some unsuspecting person walks into the awaiting brown cloud of death. I think mine have nasty green and purple stripes now. Well, the unsuspecting victim steps into the funk, and "Oh My God" or "Oh Wow" or many other choice things pop out of their mouths. Now this actually makes shopping at Wal-Mart quite entertaining. It does make it very hard not to smile and laugh. 

     So we get to the checkout yesterday to get my happy pills and a bunch of other crap. I have no clue as to why every time we go to Wal-Mart it has to cost about a hundred dollars. I had a cart full of crap, and so did my wife. I went to the 'put Bob out of a Job' checkout, and the wife went and got stuck in a regular line. Imagine that. So they had 2 checkers on duty, and one line was shut down. Then the line they directed my wife to shut down with issues as well. I figure it wont be too long, so I had already grabbed the Ice. I sit down on the bench in front of the checkout my wife was in, and then the line she was directed away from had gotten its price modification done and was going again. Of course there was a line of people that immediately jumped into that line. It was futile to tell the wife to jump over there. So while I am sitting there on the bench, watching the puddle of water grow under my cart from my melting Ice, I begin adjusting the box in my chest. Yes I do tend to play with the box in my chest when I am bored. I suppose its a nervous twitch or something. It only took about 20 minutes for my wife to get through the checkout, being next in line since she got to that line. Oh well. So as people walk by, and see you twisting your ICD, and eating those little junior mints, watching the dripping of water under your cart, they look at you like you are some sort of freak. You look up to see your wife's mouth hanging open like damn, that looks tasty. You see the look on her face and she is trying to get you to smile by making silly faces. Then it hits you. The looks of the people walking by,  the silly faces your wife is making, the water that has now puddled around your shoes, and you are digging in a box of Junior Mints. You think to yourself as you adjust your ICD a little to the right, "Now damn, this ICD is the least of my concerns." A slight smile comes to your face as you look for people taking pictures, I have become Wal-Mart people! Maybe I should get up and get a dress... 

     I hope you got a laugh. Happy Wal-Marting! 

      Keep coming back! more to come.