SEX and an ICD

        Caution: Readers 18 and older, Not intended for children. OK, so maybe 21 and older. This does contain some sort of adult descriptions.

      As I stated before, today's blog entry is about sex. I will try to keep it clean but there are really no guarantees. So here we go.

     One day you are normal and able to have sex anywhere any time and any place, for the most part at any rate. Then something changes, you wake up in the ICU and then you get your ICD installed and a few weeks later your mind returns to sorta normal. So you begin thinking about sex once again. Now if you have read your owners manual, ( I wish Babies came with one) It states that sexual activity is OK. It does provide you with some cautionary statements as well, like if your device goes off while you are having relations your partner is going to know all about it. Hummm you think? From experience, when the thing goes off and you are brushing your teeth, you almost jam that tooth brush out the back of your head, and you spit tooth paste all over the ceiling and mirror. Every muscle in your body tightens up and your mind shuts down. Nah, I can keep that a secret.. lol Right?! Oh and the next time it went off, through no voluntary action of my own, I tried to crawl into my underwear drawer. So yes I can keep this a secret. So the thoughts from here turn to basic knowledge of electricity and the thoughts of a stark raving mad evil scientist mind. So what we got here is the signs of a sick, sick mind. I think the sudden bursts of High Voltage through the mind amplify this, I have proof as well. In a recent study on laboratory rats, it was discovered that sudden bursts of electricity to the brain from both internal and external device's caused lunacy. This study has been conducted in a controlled environment, and produced the following results. The 40 specimens tested through the application of a device known as and AED, Automated External Defibrillator, showed signs of increased paranoia and evil activity increased along the frontal lobe and the cerebral cortex. The 40 specimens subjected to implanted device shocks displayed an almost instant paranoid schizophrenia upon initial shocking, followed by a deep dive into the need to execute evil and inhumane tortures onto others. The 40 control subjects given placebo exhibited no signs of any increased evil activity. Thus resulting in the approval for human private sector testing. The subject: Steven Bunker. Start of test Sept 2 of 2011.

     Typical male subject, unsuspecting and will have no disclosure. Device implant was successful and testing will begin. So again I was reading the owners manual, and it says that your partner will feel it if it goes off during relations. So the basics of electricity would suggest if you are a male {with an ICD} and female {without an ICD} the basic idea is the electricity travels through the male body, rendering initial victim mindless. (install video camera) The High voltage of electricity travels through the male body, and leaves initial victim through whatever point on contact is available. Thus entering the female both Vaginally and through easy button. This stimulation will initially force secondary victim to spontaneously orgasm, setting the following events into motion. Male victim appears dead while this is happening for a point of reference. Turrets however is fully engaged and the female thinks its dirty talk. As the electricity travels through the female body, while she is unsuspecting in orgasmic bliss like never before experienced. The shock hits her brain and shorts out all voluntary and conscious motion and thought. Female victim is now fully engaged in Turrets or dirty talk now as well. Their lifeless body's lay entwined in a pretzel looking vomitous  mass on the floor. It appears that the camera now has body fluids splashed across the lens so we can no longer see what is happening. But the audio is scary. The turrets has stopped and the zombie noises have begun. It seems as though the male subject is up and screaming OMG! the female is starting to come around now as well and she is screaming and calling the male a rotten mother grabbing bastard. Face it folks, it probably would have been better for him to have called out her best friends name. The sounds emanating from the room are unbearable. The test is conclusive, two victims for the price of one.

     The visual may be slightly different then pictured, but I will leave that to your imagination. This is where the evil thoughts come in. I have already had thoughts of licking my finger and sticking it in a persons ear and waving a magnet over my device to shock the ever lovin shit out of some jerk offs I have encountered since. But I am on a whole different level now. I am thinking do I really want to put my wife through the possible trauma that this may cause. Then you start thinking of other scenarios as well. I am already traumatized and afraid that my device will go off because of a cough or sneeze or if I jump to high or skip rope or fall over Etc. But now I am an evil scientist and have the thoughts and curiosities of  what may happen. Yes I know I have a screwed up mind. So I am still on the same page in the owners manual and I start laughing and the wife asks me what is so funny. I am telling her what it says and then I go off into my fantasy world of explanations. I am a young man, and this is how that goes. You start thinking about what happens if a lady was giving you oral pleasures and it went off. OMG! Are you gonna loose that part she has in her mouth? Or is her head gonna explode like in the movie Scanners? Or is she just gonna freak out when her mind resets? IDK, but the evil part of me wants to find out. What happens if it goes off during ejaculation? Are my testicles going to shoot out like a cannon ball out of a cannon? Is her head gonna pop off and bounce off the wall? Does it mean I now have a fire shooting squirt gun? Oh look I could hit her from 3,000 ft. I don't have to get off the ground to be a member of the mile high club. LMFAO.   I can not believe how twisted my mind gets on crap like this. So the score before was man 0, Vibrator 1   Is this a reversal in the score? Is this actually the secret weapon? Is this going to be the latest rage in sex? 

   Well damn I may be some sort of an anomaly, maybe even a party toy. lol. When the ladies figure out what I have got, there will be no rest. OK, I know, back to reality. So while I am thinking of all the potential "side effects" and exactly how I would not want to traumatize my wife like that, I am a guy and I should actually find out what happens. So I start thinking maybe I need to find some unsuspecting young lady to experiment on. So the thoughts continue, You could see what exactly happens if it goes off during relations. Car sex, so you meet some unsuspecting partner and you get all hot and bothered and start pursuing sex in confined areas. You engage in activity and you are having a great time. Now what happens next? You are about to orgasm, being safe and wearing a condom, so the only point of contact is her easy button against your lower abdomen. What will actually happen? Is there going to be a blue ark of electricity between the two of you? Is she going to scream? Is nothing really going to happen to her at all? OMG! What is going to happen?  You notice your heart rate is very fast, and in the heat of the moment you are about to have that big O and the nuclear warhead in your chest goes off. Are you now looking out of your new sunroof? Is she Dead? Do you have burn marks on your lower abdomen where you were actually making contact? Did her head pop off or did you blast her whole body out of the car? Is this illegal? Well I wish I could answer this question for you. What I can tell you is that I am actually paranoid to find out. I am so scared of setting off my device when I am conscious that I may never know what happens. I know this however, I do love my wife and would not want to traumatize her in any way shape or form. But I have the personality and character that my mind would not hesitate to traumatize some unsuspecting woman. Its really sad I know, but I think that is where the evil scientist takes over. I love my wife and only want the best for her and my family. 

     It is enough to drive you insane! What happens? Maybe you are having a make out session and kissing passionately and twisting tongues and getting a feel in, the box ignites and she has a permanent hand print on her from where you hand was, and her mouth wont close any more? Maybe She doesn't feel a thing except that you bit off her tongue or nipple and you are going to be sued for mental anguish and do some time for physical mutilation. I mean what exactly does happen? Do you have to disclose legally and sign waivers that is was voluntary and the partner was aware you have a potentially lethal device in your chest? How seriously would it traumatize your partner? Are you going to have to visit them at the mental hospital? Would it be considered malicious? Well I honestly have no damned idea. Do I want to find out? Oh yes I do! So on the chance it would really mess some one up, Thoughts from a male perspective would be to find the bitchiest woman possible and when it goes off, I would not feel so bad about it. LOL. Maybe it would cure the bitchy attitude or even make her a sweet woman. You would actually be doing the world a favor. Am I the only one that has these thoughts? Well, I am confident that I am not the only one that has thoughts like this. I figured out that I am actually pretty normal. So I would think a lot of people out here are wondering what exactly happens. At this time it is pure speculation. A warning for the bitchy girls out there though, best aught to straighten up and be nice, or you may be the victim of experimentation.

    Well maybe I am just cruel. I really don think so, but I am like a kid with a tazer. I want to pull it out of its box and light some unsuspecting person up with it and see what happens. Will I be disappointed? Will it be everything I hoped it would be? I kinda think it would be exactly like sea monkeys, nothing like the pictures on the box. But one could hope. Maybe its just the thrill, and desire for knowledge. Maybe it is the cure all for sex being a race. From whoever gets there first wins, to just go till the box goes off and we both win. Condoms may be a moot point, because the power of the device contracting muscles would surely blow holes in the condom. What if it made that thing like a damned flame thrower too? A whole new meaning to "HOT" ladies and gents. The possibilities seem to be endless. Maybe it goes off and your lady friend is now carrying a 40 year old man full term? I never thought I could fit in my underwear drawer either. Just think about it. LOL. Then again maybe its so damned good your lover brings magnets with them to bed to be sure the shock happens. Then the rumor spreads and you will be in bed all the time. Strange how things like that can turn out to be a fad or trend. Perhaps this edition made you laugh, and perhaps it would be worth writing more on this subject. The thought is, life does not stop, and we should try to continue to live and enjoy things. There are however certain things that take a while to over come. Sex so far is a challenge, at least for me it is. I am torn on how to really approach it.

 I hope my next entry is a lot sooner then they have been over the last couple weeks. I think this is beneficial and I enjoy it. I did go back to work selling cars for the time being, and perhaps that is where I stay. Should be testing out in my GED in a couple weeks, as I now have to schedule it around a job. I hope all goes very well. 

   Keep coming back! I am sure there is more of this to come.

 

It is amazing what can happen if you try!

    So I have been doing tests all week so far. I have taken my sales license test and wiz quizzes and personality tests. Why the hell do they test for all of this crap? They do a background check to see if you are  a felon.  They check your credit to see how screwed up you are financially, so they can determine if you are going to rip them off, or whatever else. They check you pee to be sure you are not an engineer. They say drugs, but engineers are on serious drugs so it's an engineer test. Seriously how else can you explain what engineers come up with? I say it's all about the hallucinations. Then they give you an open book test to see if you can comprehend the laws, good idea I suppose. But what are you doing? You are going to be selling people cars. Yes you do have to have a certain mentality to do this. It is in fact the hardest form of sales you will ever do. Everyone absolutely hates you when they walk on the lot. If they get a great deal they hate you even more, and will burn you down on the survey. Regardless, to make any money, you do need to make friends quickly and convince them to give you a 100% A+ score on the survey. Anything less then an A+ and you can be terminated. You usually get brow beat on a daily basis and you have to wear a got damned shirt and tie in the heat of 100 degree days. Well, I am good at it, so game on! One of these days I will sell only used cars and I will pretty happy. Why used you ask? Well, here is the thing with used cars. There is really no such thing as a new car.

    For instance this is a 2013 Mini Cooper, it is a well built car and definitely one of my favorites! It is exceptionally well built and it is so much fun to drive. Compared to the 1st gen Mini it is huge, but it is in fact a tiny car. But look at the design and details of this car. I say it is appealing to the eye and it looks sporty and fun. If you get the "S" model it's  a quick little bastard as well. It will stop on a dime, and it holds turns like it is on rails. What a fun little car to drive and own. But it is only "new" for a moment.

    Now this one is a 2008 Mini Cooper and it for all practical purposes looks identical. But check this out. this car is $10,000 dollars less then the new one to start with. It still drives the same, and it still a fast lil mo fo and it's fun to drive. It has a lower payment and is easier to afford. When you buy it, there is no instant transformation to a used car. There is no initial depreciation hit from hell on it, and it still looks like a new car.   With the car fax and some general basic inspection, you know it has not been in an accident, and it is not advertised as a rebuilt from salvage vehicle. Oh that's right, warranty, I have to have a warranty. Well they do sell bumper to bumper warranty's for reasonable money, you  can add to the vehicle. I do recommend these if you buy used. So eliminate the warranty factor, and what are you left with? A new car smell, and you are the only person to have driven it. Oh wait, it has a few miles on it, how did that happen? They didn't push it around to get the miles on it, yes they in fact drove it. So you are just paying for the smell. Well, there are some people that do enjoy a new car, and there always will be. I just prefer to deal with used myself. Here is why. You, the consumer save a lot of money. You do not take the depreciation hit, and you can keep a late model vehicle in the driveway that most people assume is new. It still gives you the same look, and the same excitement factor as a new car. Why? Because it is in fact "new" to you. It really is an emotion the "new" feeling. In a vehicle it is the transition from an MSO to a Certificate of title that really defines between new and used. 1500 Miles at the lot and it makes the same transition. So when you buy used, you are happy, your wallet is happy and your salesman is happy. It is truly a win win situation. 

    So enough of that rant. Well the above picture is of a Giraffe mail box me and the family made. I say it came out fantastic, and it's adorable as well. Today is really about new beginnings, I am turning the page on the last chapter in my life, and I really do not care to look back on some of it. The page is career, and I am moving forward, even though its a step to the left. I probably should have stayed in the car business, but all things happen for a reason and I think I get why I went the route I did. I know now that I would not be here if I had stayed in the car business over the last four years. The things that were in place for me when I died were not in place at the dealerships I was at. So I now know the reason why I went through the struggles I did, to wind up where I was. What does the Giraffe have to do with it? If I didn't make it, that Giraffe in the picture would not exist! Maybe it is really pretty stupid, Maybe that is how you look at that picture. Maybe it seems trivial to most of you. I know before I died, I would have thought so. I know before I died, I took an awful lot of things for granted. So my daughter Haley drew the template, and I cut out the pieces and assembled them. Then several coats of bright yellow paint later I have an unusual looking yellow thing. My Wife and two daughters made it what it is from there. Yes if you want one we do make them. Just message me and I will fill you in on what it takes. The point to this being, we do not know what exactly we affect. It may be something as simple as a cute mail box coming into existence. It my be that we affect someones life, like our children or spouses and other family. It appears that through Sudden Cardiac Death, and an Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator that we do still have value. We do indeed have a purpose in life, what that may be I do not know. Maybe I was just supposed to make a cute mailbox with help from others. Maybe you were just supposed to be there for someone else today. There are endless possibilities. 

     I know I am here for these people. Maybe you are here for those that love you as well. I know without these people I am really nothing. I know that I am beginning to enjoy certain aspects of my life that I have never enjoyed before. I know that I would rather talk with people ever day, then stand in a dingy shop grinding metal and assembling heavy equipment. I know I am destined for great things, and I am going to have nice things as well. What that means is do not give up on your dreams. Dreams are what help keep us going. They push us towards achieving our goals and they keep us young. OK, that's a lie, they probably are what make us old, like kids. LOL.  I know if you are not happy in your career, that will make you old as well. So do not hate your salesman, and enjoy life. Buy used and save some dough, and avoid getting shocked by electrical pulses charging through your body.

     Having to have an ICD, you say Sucks! I say it Sucks too! I also say the problem as to why we have these ICD's has a huge suck factor to it as well. I often wonder what I may have done differently to have avoided this. I maybe should have taken care of my body better. Oh, here is a novel idea, there is nothing I can do about the past. The only form of possible control I do have is over the choices I make now. I choos to enjoy life, I choose to exercise and become healthier. I choose to not dwell in my mind on my pitty pot about having a box in my chest. I choose to inform as many people as I can about my situation in the hopes it will help others with theirs. I choose to continue my life, and be here for quite a while yet. I choose to not let this beat me. So the fact is, the situation sucks. The fact is maybe I brought this on myself. The fact is perhaps I can live now. The fact is now I try. I do enjoy the comments that I get from everyone. I look forward to any and all comments and can't wait to read them when they arrive. 

    The next subject will be discussing the fears of sex with an ICD. This could be entertaining and any input from outside sources on this subject would be fantastic! I will try to keep it a clean as I can. No guarantees! 

   Tune in to the next episode... 

  Keep coming back, and please continue to comment, follow my blog, add me to circles too if you like. Lets have some fun with a serious situation! We do deserve a good laugh! Sorry about the editing as my proof reader is tied up for the last few days.

Job search is coming to a close.

    So over the last few weeks I have been studying my butt off in an attempt to get my GED. I am so close it is scary ,only about 150 pages of math left. Then I should be ready to bang out the tests. A graduate at 43, it is an accomplishment I have been needing to do for many years. This will open new doors for me and allow me to live at some point. So during this time I have been on the job hunt as well. I have been applying to jobs via the internet and getting some response, but not the desired amounts. So yesterday I went out to a couple of dealerships and put in some applications. It was nice to see some old friends as well. People I have worked with in the past and were happy to see me. I have a couple of offers on the table, and am currently waiting for background checks to come back. From there it would appear I will be selling cars again. It has been an interesting journey to arrive back at a cor lot. I always enjoyed selling cars in the past, and I would anticipate that it will be fun to do so once again. The stress of selling for a commission only position again is strange, but I do hope I will be as good if not better then before. Things have changed a lot in my absence from the car lots, as most people research on the internet before stepping on to a car lot now.  The people are a lot more educated and it would appear internet pricing is the price now. There is a bit of reprogramming I will need to do right away to my mind to become successful at this again. I am sure it will be a positive experience once again. I am really looking forward to putting on my shiny shoes again. I am realistically pretty happy about going back to sales, just wish I had a safety net. As a father and husband with every conceivable bill a guy could have, it does stress you out a bit.

For those of you that never saw the movie Used Cars I highly recommend it. Just bear in mind its an older movie now. If you don't laugh, then check your pulse. That movie had not been out long when I did my first car lot gig back in the mid eighties at Leo Payne Volkswagen on west Colfax in Lakewood Co. The dealership has closed and several others have come and gone in that building since. But I remember being a lot guy there, and all the shenanigans that used to go on there that were similar to the one in the movie. It was flat out amazing to me that stuff like that could actually happen at a place of business. It was absolutely incredible, and a ton of fun. One of the memories I have of that lot was a couple of really cute girls came walking by the lot one summer afternoon, and started talking with me and following me around. I was not one to interrupt my work for personal things at that time in my life, and continued working. I had one of them finally grab the chamois I was using and ask me if I wanted her to rub me down with it. Not knowing any better I was about to say sure, when my friend Jeff Benton, one of the sales guys there jumped in and said dude they're hookers. I was always under the impression hookers were not very attractive girls, man was I wrong. I emerged from that day at work a little wiser. I was surprised that professional women would want to be talking to a teenager. But what really surprised me was that it seems like they were my age.  What does this have to do with anything you ask. Well it has to do with life experiences, things that all of a sudden pop into your mind after a life threatening situation. It is impressive how vivid my memories are after my brush with death. But the coolest thing is how random they show up. And how what may have been stressful then, is quite a fond memory now. No I didn't sleep with the hookers. I am relatively confident that one of the sales guys did though. 

     I remember talking with some of the salesmen and managers, they were always bitching about how they used to have the sexy ladies out on the lot on Saturdays, to lure in customers. They used to complain that they couldn't get the same results with the got damn balloons tied to every car, and they needed a better gimmick to get people on the lot. I never got to witness those days, but it seemed like we did pretty well anyway. We always had fun, and they catered in lunch on Saturdays and the cash in fist spiff money was unreal. It was fairly common for a salesman to get 7 or 8 hundred dollars or so in cash money on Saturday nights. Then they would tip the lot guy and go party it up and be broke again on Monday. Things were a lot less expensive then as well. Man the memories that come back are insane. So at any rate the idea behind this is a great movie if you like to laugh. The other idea behind this is the stress of searching is basically over at this point.  I am relieved in a way, and happy to be able to work with some old friends once again. I can't wait to create some fun memories once again in this next chapter in my life. The thing you have to consider however are, not all car lots are fun. There are some real dick heads at most of them that think it should always be serious. There are also those that want to see you fail, and those that are afraid to talk with people. I hope I find my groove again soon. The other things that can go hand in hand on a lot and with an ICD would be Hydration.

    It is so easy to become dehydrated on a car lot it is amazing. I learned this again yesterday, when I was talking to some old friends. We walked around the lot, and I was so dry I went to the bathroom and was impressed I could pee orange marmalade. That is how you know you are dehydrated, you pee jelly. Alright it was definitely closer to dust. So I learned I have to have a nice water source available, and I have to drink a lot of it. I am under the impression that dehydration can get you nuked. I really do not need to get electrocuted because I didn't drink enough. That would not be a good thing in my book. So remember, if you pee and its not clear you are dehydrated. Drink lots of water. It does appear that my adventure in life will be continuing on. I hope to make it as interesting as possible. I am going to do the absolute best I can, and try to put my family into a better position. I am looking forward to all of the things to come. Perhaps I will be able to get my tattoo done before long as well. 

  Have a great day everyone! I will write more a bit later. I am thinking of adding a page of all ICD procedure related things to spread the information. 

Keep coming back.

Vampires really Do Exist!

    Today lesson is on Vampires and night sweats. I was always under the assumption that Vampires were a fictional creature, man oh man, was I mistaken. I remember in my younger days I would go to the hospital with my wife to do the occasional check up when she was pregnant. I remember all the fun toys I would play with when we were in the office waiting for the Doc to come in. I would play with all of it. The big light was always fun as well as the rest of the goody's in the offices. I know for a fact I am not the only one to play with all the fun things in a medical office. OK, maybe not fact, but I am pretty sure. I remember how my wife would tell me to stop playing with things early on, but that soon ended when she realized I was incapable of controlling my curiosities in a doctor's office. So she would sit there calmly and watch, maybe she accepted me as a bigger child. I have found that even when I go to the doctor's office by myself that I have to play with all the fun accessories and torture devices they have. They have to know that people sit in there and play with all their equipment while they wait. Hey you have an appointment at 10:30 AM, get here early so you can do the preliminary paper work. So you get there at 10 to 10:15 AM and wait. They take you back to the examination room at 11:15 or if you are lucky. Then you sit there and wait, this is where the boredom comes into play. Where the hell do doctor's get off being late to every got damned appointment I have ever been to? I do not get that at all. I have to be on time to work, I think they need to be on time to their appointment's as well. Just Saying! So they come in and check you out and decide they need body fluid samples, Oh Joy! So they leave and beckon the Vampires. 

    Now I have seen some Hot Vampires in my time. Even though all they want is my blood.

OK, and here is one for you ladies out here. 

    So in comes the Vampire a while later, sporting pale and cold clammy skin. Hiding behind that doctor's cloak doesn't fool me. But they are always so kind, and they try to talk to you for a minute as the set up their devices of torture. They pull out the tubes and those little tiny needles and start putting contraptions together. They grab the tourniquet and cut off the circulation in an extremity to make the veins pop out a bit. For those of you that have not had all of your veins popped in an emergency situation, this is a fairly simple process. Well, if you are like me your veins have all been collapsed and they really try to hide when they are going to draw blood. So now the vampires are frustrated, and you can see the hunger in their eyes. They stab you any way, and that little tiny needle now feels like it is ten foot diameter. How can that little tiny thing hurt so damned bad? I have had serious injuries that have not hurt as bad as a got damned needle trying to find a vein. I am also under the impression that I get the beginning Vampires as well. Oh, yes the guy in #3 is Bunker, be sure you send the trainee in there to get the samples. You have one that is here for an interview? Even better! Send the job hunter in, let's see how she does under pressure. I swear that is what they do. I have had some real vampires, and they don't look for veins on the top, they feel for the good ones. They have this uncanny sense for where to find your blood, and they whack you and you don't even feel it. Wham Bam were done, they have their samples and lunch and out the door in moments. Can I get lucky that way all the time? Oh, nay nay, I get the newbies. They go for the non existent veins on top, and then they find one. You tell them its a rolling vein, and the bruises just barely cleared up from the last attempt 6 months ago. They say oh, I can get that and bruise the ever lovin shit out of you again. I swear the next one that does that to me I am gonna give em a knuckle sandwich. One thing they do not get is maybe they should listen to the objection before they stab you. Another thing newbies do is fish for the vein. WTF? They stab, that now 50 FT diameter needle in there and twist it around in circles in an attempt to hook the vein. Really? OK, It's my turn jerk off! I wanna grab that needle and poke it in them and wrench it around and see how they like it. Use your damned noodle people. 

    There needs to be some sort of standard with supervision, that if they fish for it, they get fired. That really sucks, the bruise lasts for months, and it hurts like hell. Not just when they are fishing, but for the whole time that bruise is there. So we let the doctors show up late to their appointments, and we let the Vampires abuse us. We are sheep it would appear. Ok, so now you are severely maimed and you have given your samples, they don't even bother to call you and discuss the results with you. I suppose this means everything is normal? I am on medications that tear up a persons liver, I think they should discuss the results with me. On the good side of things, working out a little, and walking have started to make my veins more apparent, and some even poke out again. To me this says, hey buddy keep up the good work. It tells me that my circulatory system is becoming stronger and healthier. It tells me that my heart is getting stronger as well. But I am no Doc. So I just have the information I have read and heard. Maybe I am some sort of whacko, but I am sure that this is hard evidence that my health is improving greatly. 

    So another sign that I am doing better is the Night Sweats. I had the night sweats really bad right after my ordeal. It was horrible, waking up in a pool of water basically. I did not know I had that much liquid in my body, WOW! How miserable is the damned night sweats? Well for those of you who do not know, I will try to describe it a little. Imagine laying in bed, on a hot summer night and you throw the covers on the floor. Then you position the fan to blow directly on you, but it feels like it is a big hair dryer on high. the all of a sudden you go from say 104 degrees to -13 in the blink of an eye. Then it switches back to 104, and then freezes you again. This goes on for hours, and every night. My assumption is, if you have a heart trauma it kicks the rest of your body's systems into chaos. Especially your internal thermostat. I did not know I could sweat when I am freezing to death, its actually pretty interesting. When I discussed this with my nurse, she said I was probably in manopause. With the bit of research I have done, I have found that those with a heart malfunction will get the night sweats. I vote for calling this a malfunction instead of heart disease, I do not feel diseased, and I refuse to believe that I have anything more then a minor malfunction in my electrical system. So I will say that when I read about everyone with heart malfunctions having night sweats it did raise concern in my mind. What I am finding is through exercise and eating my totally crappy diet of tasty things, that my night sweats are subsiding. I still have them, but not as bad as I did even a month ago. It seems that as I get healthier my temperature issues seem to get better as well. I am also finding that my temperature during the day is improving. So for those out here that have this similar question, I say exercise is the key. I pretty much half ass my exercise, so if I can be getting better so can you. I am sure that there are nay sayers out here as well, and those that are still overwhelmed with the onset of their malfunction and seemingly forced issue of a device, I am here to tell you there is HOPE! I am here to say that the medical practice is just that, a practice. Yes, unfortunately we are the guinea pigs or lab rat's. The nice thing is the advances in medical practice and knowledge gets better all the time. The thing to consider is a practice leaves room for error. Error that we take to mean this is what and how it is. We assume that this stuff is all fact. I have this and I can't get better. Well I for one am not buying it! I think that I can get better! I think you can get better! I also think that those that do not have this can avoid it completely. I say that it is going to depend greatly on you and your thoughts. I am one stubborn son-of-a-gun most of the time. I choose to believe that this is not a disease. I choose to use the power of my mind in a positive supportive manner on this subject, and refuse to let this kill me. I also refuse to believe it can inhibit how I want to live. Therefore the only choice is for my body to heal. Perhaps we need more positive thoughts instead of the 'you are sick so live with it crap.' I certainly hope that the rest of you have a strong sense that you can get better too.

   Keep coming back. I am sure there is more of this to come. Don't get too pissed at your Doc and Vampires as they are doing their best to help, and that is awesome! 

Sweet mother of Social Studies!

   So for those of you that have been keeping up with my blog, you know I am working on my GED. Well my mind is spinning, but my studies are progressing well I believe. I have found that I am reading things several times to get a grasp on what things mean. When I was younger I could get a grasp on things considerably easier. Well crap, lets face the facts, a couple of years ago I could have breezed through this. I really think my medications inhibit how I interpret information. I find concentrating on things to still be rather difficult. On a good note my large aquarium has finally cleared up, it has only taken a year and a half. WTF. So even though it appears that some of my skills are suffering, some things just still seem to fall into place. I can not believe that some of this stuff in the GED are so damned difficult, WOW! SO I have been sleeping much better over the last few weeks, but I am still waking up with some chest pain. I suppose that this is going to be the norm for me. Oh and for those of you that have a device, when your kids hug you and dig their chin in and slide down onto the top of your device it hurts like no fliping tomorrow. OMG, I didn't want him to see, but it made dear old dad cry. I swear that was a whole new pain I have never felt before. Dammmmmmit!

   I hope I didn't look like that when it happened, but I sure did feel that way! Of course I feel like that when I sleep and fold that thing up all night too. This is certainly an adventure, not for the faint of heart either. I am amazed at how much my memory seems to be clouded up, and it drives me crazy. I just hope I am going to retain most of this information for another week or two. Then I am going to have to enroll into college and get busy with a Bachelors Degree. It would appear that you can not succeed without some college education. I still  do not know what I want to be when I grow up! What? I am grown up? When did that happen? The joys of life. The good news is that my pain goes away fairly quickly, and I am sure its nothing. My wife forces me to walk about every night, and the smoke in the air has dissipated so I can breathe on our walks. The fires seem to be getting contained, and the people in the Black Forest are returning to their homes. At least those that were fortunate enough to not have theirs burned down. I feel for those people, but we as humans need to know mother nature does tend to clean house. She doesn't care if we approve or not. The best part is it looks like she is done. Now the trees can reproduce and the land is fertile once again. It will be glorious and fresh and heal well. The houses can be rebuilt and everyone will be happy once again. 

    It will be creepy for a while, but what you do not see in this picture is all the new life starting to emerge from the forest floor. It really won't be long until the luster of the forest has returned. What people should be grateful for is that they are still alive. The same thing that I am grateful for! I am grateful I am still alive, and I can listen to the warnings of not breathing in the smoke. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to be getting my GED, even though I am sure my medications have a cloud through my mind. I am grateful that I can still enjoy the warmth of the sun on my back, and the cool breezes as they blow by and rustle the leaves in the trees. I am grateful I am still able to despise the gusts of wind as well. I am grateful I am still here and have the privilege of living in a small town. I am grateful that I have to bathe my dog's tomorrow because they stink to high hell and I have no clue as to why. I am absolutely about to puke my guts out sitting next to them at the moment. I am scared that puking may get me shocked though, and I really do not need that. The things we used to hate, now have a new fear associated with them. I am hoping that it is just paranoia. Coughing, sneezing and puking are just a few. The best part of life today is I am 600 pages closer too my GED. I am one step closer to finally having a real career that pays me well, and has a lot less of the crap to go along with it. I am one step closer to having what I desire in an education and a career. I will be successful at this even with a cloud in my mind. I wish you all the best. I will write again tomorrow. I hope you all have a great evening! 

   Keep coming back. Getting used to this is a group effort! I hope it is helping some of you. I think just writing about some of this i helping me as well. 

  

Dealing with the Stress!

   I have been pretty tied up the last few days, and I am not really sure how. I have been studying my butt off, and applying for employment. I am sure that there is something out there that will be the perfect fit for me. I am just not so sure what that fit is yet. I had an interview at a supplemental insurance company yesterday, I am not sure now is the time for that risk. The potential earnings with that are outstanding however. One day I am a pipeline type of pump mechanic, and the next I am contemplating sales once again. How interesting is that. I have heard rumor that most people change careers 3 or more times in their lives. I just do not have the nest egg to allow for a long spell of little to no money. How do people do it? I have no clue as to how people are able to save up and have the money to coast for a while. It is absolutely mind boggling to study, job hunt, and interview all at the same time. I am as busy as I have ever been, but not in a normal manner.

   If I had a desk, I am sure it would look just like this at the moment. So here it is, just after 4 AM and I am here writing in my blog. I woke with some chest pain this morning, but I am sure its from the stresses of trying to do too much. Stress as far as I understand is a killer. It contributes to how you feel, and how you deal with situations. When I was a young man, I was under the impression that my mom had suffered a stress related heart attack. Stress can wreak havoc in you life and dreams. Stress makes it incredibly difficult to focus and concentrate as well. Oh, look at the pretty birds in my front yard! I am so hungry I think I would like a couple of eggs with some toast. Then you toss in the ADD on top and you have a deluxe tossed salad with a nice dripping glop of stress dressing on top.  I am not sure myself how being busy, doing nothing but spinning my wheels in the mud can wear me down so bad. It does tend to take its toll on you. I am in good spirits, and have woke pretty happy for the last few days. I have always been a good salesman, and know I can walk into just about any automobile dealership in the state and land a job. I have a second interview today with the insurance company but am not sure if I can stay calm and preform under the gun like this. I am going to complete my GED and I know that will open a few more doors for me. 

   Overall I am so impressed I have not lost my mind at this time. I have been remaining positive and upbeat. I have gotten to spend some time with my family and am in great spirits. But that does not change the fact that I am in need of getting back to work. I am in need of finding something that is going to be kind to my body, and allow me to have a nice work / life balance. I have always been a man with a great work ethic. Well, that would be because I have really never had any other choice. I have always had that non stop, go get it done attitude. It is flat out impressive that I do not have a nice nest egg tucked away at this point in my life. How do you literally work yourself to death and have no future? How do you work yourself to the point you have missed your family growing up and have no coasting room? Why do we do this to ourselves? What part of the big picture am I not catching here? I have changed most of my evil ways, and yet I still suffer. If everything happens for a reason, then what is that reason now? I have been here before and its really getting old to keep repeating the same old same old lessons, It really does not make me feel any better that I have a twist of death on top, like some sort of big fat custom mad sundae. Here you go. two scoops of cheap chocolate ice cream, a scoop of strawberry and some mint chocolate chip. We added the nuts and sprinkles and just for you we dribbled it in.. No, not hot fudge.. But liquid Death! You should love it sir! Its thick and creamy like fudge, but it does leave an interesting aftertaste with a nifty pasty coating you cant exactly scrape off. We hope you enjoy it! What the hell did I do to deserve this?

   It does look delicious, So you take a nice big old spoon full when you realize that you were served a big old fat juicy dog shit sundae! OK, things not to search the web for. Big fat nasty sundaes and dog shit sundaes, I am scarred for life after that. WOW! That was nasty, who would have thought. So while I am sitting here with a mouth full of DSS, I wonder where exactly I have gone wrong? What have I done with my life? Why am I being served fecal matter sundaes over and over? The conclusion I have come up with is this. I do not have enough stress in my life, so we have found a way to serve up some more. The only real memories I do have in the last 20 years are from movies, so I need to learn to live a little. I have no clue as to what I really enjoy doing so this is difficult. I need a better life work balance, so I can entertain the idea of living. I have found that the reasons behind this shit sundae are sound. I have found that I lack the foundation to build upon to attain this. So I am in the basement trying to build a foundation, while holding up an existing building. Will I be successful? That is in fact a very difficult question to answer. Stress causes chest pain, so I think stress sucks. I do not find chest pain debilitating, in case you are wondering. I find Back pain debilitating, and will discuss that later. So the foundation as I perceive it is my GED. The building is the life I have built so far, and I refuse to let it go. I am a pig headed stubborn mo fo too so I will die trying to maintain what I do have. Back to the question at hand, will I be successful? I can spend all day dissecting this question. I can analyze it and scrutinize it until the cows come home and more.  

   Here is the answer. I have decided that I am not going to let stress kill me and or set off my ICD. I have decided that I am going to pursue my GED and open new doors. I will maintain my household and install my foundation without destroying what I have built. Life is too damned short to sit here stressing out about everything that can possibly go wrong. I have decided I have been going about life totally wrong. I have always wanted but never had weekends off like "normal" people. I have never known what it is like to have a life and work balance. The stress  it causes is unacceptable and I no longer wish to swim in a cesspool of stress. It is time to move forward and enjoy the fruits life has to offer. There is a glorious future out there for me. There is time to live and learn. There is time to do what I want to do. I will have my buddy to follow along inside my chest to be sure I survive to the next chapter in my life as well. If I stay positive about things, I am supposed to realize a positive result. That is what the laws of attraction state. Is it real? I am going to find out!

 Sorry about the editing at this point of the day, the editor is still in bed watching the insides of her eye lids. I am glad she is here for my support! I hope you have someone to support you as well. When life throws lemons at you I say dodge! 

Keep coming back! More adventures to come!

On the job hunt with an ICD!

   So here I am on the prowl for a job, in the midst of this I am also studying for the GED. What an everlovin pain in the back! Ha! You didn't see that one coming! I know, it's not normal for me not to cuss at every possible opportunity. So I have to make 3 viable contacts a week for the unemployment to stay in effect, that is not bad. The trick is to avoid becoming under employed, so I can support my family. I would like to entertain the possibilities of even telecommuting if at all possible. How damned cool would that be? So here is the thing. I am studying for the GED, that I was working on last year at this time. Last year it was for self improvement, now its out of necessity. I find it actually pretty funny that they require a GED to even go into a call center. Humm, I didn't see that one coming. So I studied all day yesterday, and I think I am less intelligent now than when I started. I hate Language Arts with a passion. A necessary evil I suppose, as I am attempting to pull off a career change here. 

    It is a pain in the butt trying to follow what your Doc says you are no longer supposed to do when job hunting. I do not know if the rest of you have had this problem, and I sure hope you do not. The problem I have is, if I do not disclose that I have an ICD and go back to a shop setting I am liable if something happens. If I do disclose I have an ICD and the can't do's that go with it, most employers do not want to dive into a pool like that for a new employee. I have a lot of ability as a mechanic, but according to my Doc, I am just no longer able to participate in the daily operations of a shop. There are things that I took for granted I suppose. I used to be able to grab a drill and go do what I needed to do. Now I have to maintain a drill ( cordless drill ) 12 inches from my chest at a minimum. A corded drill is a different animal all together, it puts off a larger magnetic field and has more power. The Doc and the owners manual suggest I cant play with these any longer. I am supposed to maintain 5 ft distance from most electric motors, the size of electric motors found in lathes and mills and such. I am not even supposed to work on cars any longer. So what does that leave for me to do? Well as it turns out, that leaves me needing to become properly educated. I am 43 years old and back in High School! Whoo Hoo! I am so Excited! Does that mean I get to go party and go to keggers and stuff? This will be a breeze, I have life experiences! OMG! WTF! All of this stuff has changed since I was in school. Damn!

  

   I thought Language Arts sucked when I went through it the first time. Now it stresses me out and makes the plasma in my brain boil. I can't believe we actually pay people to dissect a sentence and come up with names for every word that is in it. Then to allow them to implement new rules regarding proper usage. No wonder kids are more screwed up now then they were when we were kids. Holy crap this sucks! I remember a few years back my kids were getting correct answers marked wrong in math. This was because they had installed this thing called new math, in place of math. The answers were correct, but the teacher was marking them wrong, and my wife and I could not understand this. So she went in to talk with the teacher and get things sorted out. This was a booster class as she home schools our children, so they are supposed to support our chosen curriculum. She went in to talk with the teacher, and he explained to her that our children were doing the problems wrong. She asked if the answers were correct, and per her math and the calculator the answers were spot on. The teacher explained to her that the solution didn't make the way they got there right, so in fact they were wrong with the solutions they had come up with. The thing with new math  is, they have added so many steps to get to the solution, that it takes 5 times as long to come to the answer. Well, I call Bull Shit, and so did my wife! Math is math, and how we arrive at the correct solution is irrelevant! Should the answer to the problem be 81, then I do not give a rats ass how you got there. I do not think it is necessary to take a 9x9 problem and have it jump up off the table, go to the store, build a rocket, loop around the moon at 15 g's, to start a space time continuum rift to arrive at our answer of 81. I say go Fuck yourself! And apparently so did my wife! I have trained her well. 

   So at this point you are probably going, what the hell does that have to do with having an ICD. Well honestly it has absolutely nothing at all to do with and ICD. OK, well I was wrong, it has everything to do with an ICD. It is about how we deal with the stress of every day life. Stress happens to be a huge contributor to how our hearts react, and if we get "therapy" or not. The better we are able to deal with stress, the less likely we will get shocked for getting overly excited in situations. I am the calmest I have ever been being unemployed this time. Is it because I know everything will work out just fine? It always has in the past, even though I was a gigantic ball of stress. Or is it that this time I am approaching things differently? I do not know what the actual answer is. I do know that worrying is a natural thing to do, and to deny the worrying is unnatural. But I am furthering my education, and my children know that dad does find education important now. The fact that getting an education will help land an office type of position, eases the stress of being in a hazardous position. This eases the stress of every day life. Now I am not sure how, but you may relate this to a similar situation in your life, and this in some way may help you to calm yourself so you do not get electrocuted. I know first hand how bad that sucks! So I hope you have a fantastic day, and I hope you find less stressful ways to go about every day life. It is easier said then done.

                         Life with an ICD is not easy!  But maybe we can still make it enjoyable?

  Keep coming back! More stuff to come!

Father's Day with an ICD!

  Happy Father's Day!

   So far today has been an excellent day! I have only been up for a little while, but have had breakfast and am having coffee at the moment as well. I didn't post a blog yesterday at all, because I spent the day with my family. I took my boy's fishing over at Bingham Lake again. When we got home we watched some movies as a whole family. It was really a rewarding day! So we were at Bingham lake and fishing for anything that would bite. The day was full of promise and I was excited that my oldest son Liam would catch his first fish.I am sad to say yesterday was not that day. I wish I was good at fishing, so I could ensure he would catch something. I was having device pain yesterday, and trying to be patient with a 5 year old, a teen and a pre teen. I was not about to let my discomfort spoil the day. I find it quite irritating at times that the device in my chest can cause that kind of discomfort. Oh Well, life must continue! So we were fishing away on the south west corner of the lake, where last weekend I was witness to those that caught some Walleye and Wiper and we had caught a couple of very small Wiper. It was hot but with a light breeze for most of the day. We left around 3:30 PM, because of an ugly looking thunder storm rolling in. we had arrived at 10:00 AM and it was about 1:00 PM when my Middle boy got a hit. I was thrilled to see him with a catch. It fought him a little bit, and it looked like he was having a great time. As he got the fish in, he could see it was a decent size Channel Cat. I was Impressed that he had about a 3 Lb catfish on his line. I helped him get it out of the water, When I realized that he had gotten extremely lucky with this catch. The Fish was not hooked in its mouth at all, but it was hooked in its chin if you will. He had actually snagged the fish! The fish had been caught before, so there was a hook deep inside it as well, and line hanging out of its mouth. I was thinking how tasty this fish would be.. Well as the day came to a close, my son Aiden had decided to let the Catfish live and we released it. Was worth living with the pain to see that, and I would do it over and over again. 

   Even though the events of the day were completely fantastic, I wound up having night mares when I should have had happy dreams. I remember waking up and looking at the clock at 2:20 AM in a cold sweat and panicked. This dream may not sound terrifying to those of you without a device or implant but I assure you that it was. I was at the lake with my boys, and I felt a snap in my chest. It was accompanied by a sharp pain just behind my ICD. It seemed like a couple of hours had passed, when I noticed my device had moved over and down into my arm pit. Kinda freaked out about this, I reached into my arm pit and worked the device back over to its proper location. Thinking that everything was cool, knowing I was in for having a slight surgery to re-anchor the device, things seemed to be OK. When a moment later I look at my chest to see my device beneath the skin begin to sink. The feeling was so strange, and it felt so real. To have something under your skin like that and moving was just amazing, creepy, but amazing.  My device continued to sink and as it sank it moved to the left side of my abdomen. I was not impressed by this, but was thinking about getting to the Doc. Then this fricking annoying alarm went off, it was so loud but muffled as well. It was my device sounding a warning, to let me know there was a problem. Now I am panicked and need to get to the Doc. I am calling frantically and trying to reach the him, but I can't hear over the alarm. It seems like days passed trying to get a hold of the Doc to get this problem fixed. I am digging through my tackle box at this point to find a knife or something sharp enough to cut this annoying device out of me, when I wake in the Dr's office and the nurse is stitching my incision closed. I wake up wondering how I went through this without getting nuked. Then as the next moment pass, I realize that it was just a dream. Not really terrifying, until you have something like this in your body. The good thing is I realized that it was all just another twisted dream. 

 

   I manage to hold it together, and I watch a movie, and a Total Blackout episode and finally fall back asleep. I awake to the aroma of fresh Coffee and Bacon. MMM I was going to eat that whole plate of Bacon, until the wife gave me that oh hell no look. I tried, but failed. We had her Delicious pancakes, Bacon and Coffee! We discussed the dream I had last night and ate a wonderful breakfast. We have also found that with Bacon so expensive per pound at this time, if we buy the ends and pieces you get a lot more for your money. Like it matters that its all smaller pieces, we always busted up the regular stuff to make it seem like more. Bacon is Bacon, it's delicious no matter how it comes. Stuffing my face with Bacon, Coffee and pancakes, I go ahead and open my Father's Day card, this is the moment you realize how important you are to someone else. Makes you a bit misty eyed, unless you are made of stone I think. When the chips are down and you are feeling a bit low because of how you have and or are struggling at the time. To read what others are saying about you as a father, or mentor can have an affect on you. I never thought I was really that good of a father. I have always thought, that overall, I was an OK provider. I have never been able to take my kids to Disney world, or to do a lot of the things I was privileged to do as a child. I know I am a little pig headed in their education, as I do not want them to turn out the way I have. I want them to be much better than me for sure. But as a Dad I was convinced I was really a failure. It dawns on me today that perhaps the times I can do things with them may register more. Why is this? Well, I think that it's the rarity of the times we could spend together that may provide additional value. I have always had to work, most of the time I have held down 2 or three jobs at a time, to keep them fed and a roof over their heads. I have had to miss a lot of their childhoods as I was carving out a living for my family. I did this because I didn't want or need other peoples values instilled in my children. I did this to keep them out of daycare's and other situations such as gangs and drugs. I do this to ensure they have as good of a start as I can possibly give them. Today is that day, where you realize what you have done had really paid off. They love you and they value the time they have with you. They really would have been quite upset if I didn't come through my situation. Here is a look at the card they gave me.

   I hope you all can read this! Today is that day! The day I realize that I have done a pretty fair job of raising my kids! It has so far been a fantastic journey, and I look forward to the continuing efforts as a father! My kids are as awesome as they get! I think the modern term for this is my kids are Epic! How cool it is, to be a father. I may be battery operated, I may put in long hours away from my family. But it appears they recognize the times we do have as rewarding and special! Perhaps I am doing better then I give myself credit for! To all of you Fathers out there, Happy Father's day! To all of us Dad's out there, Happy Dad's Day! Anyone can be a father, You have to be a cut above to be a DAD! Battery operated for longevity or not. I hope you all have a great day! 

   

Happy Dad's Day! Keep coming back! 

Why did this happen to me?

  So have you ever wondered why this happened to you? Do you find when you are awake that you think about what happened and how? Do you find yourself wondering if maybe it's Karma? Do you drift back in time and think, what if I made different decisions, would this still have happened? Do you sit there and think that life is over because I have a box in my chest? Well my friend's, welcome to the club! But I have news for you. The news I have may be a great thing, it will depend on exactly how you interpret this. We are very special and not overly common. Have you thought about that? No, I mean have you really thought about the fact that you are incredibly special? For those of you that are reading this, because you have a friend or a loved one with a (Pace Maker or Implanted Cardiac Defibrillator) have you thought how lucky they are to still be here? How lucky you are that they are still a part of your every day life? Someone was certainly looking out for us! So maybe we should look at this in a fun light, and I hope you do. You have seen cyborgs on TV and in SCI-FI movies. Yes, You are living proof that Cyborgs exist! Perhaps not on as grand of a scale as we would have hoped, or maybe a bit more grand than we would have enjoyed.

   Personally, I started looking at pictures of Cyborgs and Robots and such on the internet a few minutes ago and I really started to feel like I got ripped off! In a way I think I am happy that I don't have attachments on my face, or arms. But wait a minute, Maybe I really do want attachments. Maybe I want the Laser eye that can see through anything. Maybe I want the micro mother board processor with mother board and digital read out with the screen in my eye, so I can surf the web, or get information about things as I just look at the box in the store. Talk about Google smart! All you would have to do is think: look this up! Then, BAM! It reads out on the screen in your eye. Nobody could tell and it would be so cool, you could access anything anywhere and at anytime! Maybe I want the interchangeable arms or legs too. Just think, you could have the weed whacker attachment and you would never have to worry about if it had the cord, because it would be a laser. Maybe you like to cook and you could have the food processor attachment, now that would make life easy wouldn't it? And home protection would be awesome! Jet pack legs, and Flame thrower, Machine Gun and Laser Blaster attachments. Chain saw Attachment for cutting down trees and more! The possibilities are endless. Maybe we are looking at this whole thing of a heart condition controlled by a battery operated device in the wrong way. Perhaps we need to open our minds and figure out we are indeed truly special.

   We could be super hero's, but for sure we are pioneers carving the way for better development! Like those before us, they had it worse then we do for sure. Pacers and ICD's used to be quite large. So I am thankful that mine is really so small. Mine is in my chest, on top of my left pectoral muscle and at times it is quite uncomfortable. But when the truth of the matter sets in, it is like a paramedic on hand 24hrs a day, 7 days a week. Waiting and watching to set things right before its too late. I should be a lot more thankful to my device than I am. I am only human, so I am certainly full of emotions and feelings. Love for my device is not one of them. Now that it has been over a year since it has gone off, I have a little more respect for it. Maybe we should look at it in another light. I wonder what our devices think? Do you think they have a consciousness to them? If they did would they be missing hanging out with their palls? Mine has its own communicator that sits by the side of my bed. I wonder if it calls other devices while I attempt to sleep?

   Mine has Bluetooth technology as far as I can tell, because it talks to that box there on my night stand and sends the information to my Doc every night. It sends them a complete report every Tuesday at midnight. For those that are worried about big brother watching, a prime example perhaps. So this one is pretty cool, as it is a cellular product, because I do not have a land line at this time. For all I know my device may be talking to yours. It does get creepy when the button on the right changes colors and you go and press it. It will tell you when it lost its signal, or you were not present for it to take a reading. The screen on it is a touch screen when it is lit up as well. If you get down to it, it is actually quite impressive! We just need to shift how we look at our device about 1 Degree. If we can achieve this, perhaps living with our devices in our chests and abdomens would become less of a hindrance. Maybe we need to learn how to accept our implanted electro-mechanical  computer parts. If we accept them into our lives, maybe it would lower the stresses of living together with them so much. We do have the option to be upset over having this, or to be thankful we are still here. We are human, and I struggle with it too. Maybe, through exercise and an attitude change we will continue to have and create incredible memories. After all, that is what life is. It is experiences on the short end, and memories on the long end. Life is about creating memories, for the most part it is up to us for them to be good or bad. So if I am meant to be a cyborg, then so be it! I am a Cyborg and I am Damned Proud of IT!

 


   Now if I could look like that I may be happier. So a long story short, we are very lucky people. We have a second chance that very few people get! I think I am going to try and make the most of it, instead of stewing on the past that I can not change. I do not think I would really change my life before anyway, I am happier now than I ever really was before. I have learned there is more to life than work, and I need to learn how to live! Most of the memories in my head are of movies, and the memories I have that are not, should be things I have done with my kids. I will pursue happiness and a genuine life / work balance so I can actually have a life! Look out life here I come! I am going to do the things I have always wanted to. I am going to have experiences and I am going to enjoy every minute of it. And if you think I can't or won't, well you have another thing coming. Welcome to the new world where the only real limits are your mind. Lets move forward instead of dwelling in the past. Lets create as many memories as we can, take it all in and give it our best shot. The devices we have are meant to let us live, Not to hold us back.


 Thanks a Bunch for keeping up with my blog. Lets move forward and live life! I will NOT let this beat me!

   Thanks for the messages and comments! It does me good to hear from you as well. I hope to hear from everyone that reads this, because it's all about helping each other deal with our situations.