Back to Work!

   At this point it has been six weeks past my expiration date. I am nervous to go back to work and discover all of my new limitations first hand. I am thinking in my head that I am prolonging the inevitable at this point, but we all need to have a job! Right!? I am a pump mechanic for Sulzer pumps, in Aurora at this point and was on top of my game 6 weeks ago. No Problem! I return and quickly discover how different people treat you once you have a serious issue. It is obvious the odds are against me at this point, but I suck it up and do my best to move forward. I am on some light duty activities for a while, mostly inspection work. I am paranoid that I am going to die again at the shop. People talk differently to me and they think they know what happened to me. They all say I had a heart attack. No that is not the case at all, I had Sudden Cardiac Death. This is brought on by arrhythmia. My heart started beating so fast that it could no longer pump blood. This in turn starves the brain and body for oxygen, then I passed out and my heart decided it was tired from its lack of oxygen and fast rate and just stopped. So similar but totally different. It gets embarrassing when you go to the bathroom, and about every 2 minutes someone comes in and asks "are you still alive?" From some its genuine concern, but from others you can hear the sarcasm in their voices.

Me and my best friend at Disney World in Orlando Florida  about 10 days before I croaked.

 
   I have withdrawn myself from most of my work acquaintances, and my best friend has had an extreme tragedy take place in his life. I now feel I have no one to talk with about things in my life. I feel in jeopardy at work, and it is on multiple levels. I feel like an outcast, I can't just go and do what I used to do, most who claimed they were friends with me didn't even come see me at the hospital or text or call while I was recovering. I am in a hostile situation as far as my professional life is concerned. I am struggling with events in my life, and am pretty well useless in helping my best friend. I have a resting heart rate in the low 90's and am  only sleeping a total of 2 hours a night. I think "stress bucket" should be my name at this point in the game. I am still confused as to how this even happened. The only thing I am certain of is, I DO NOT HAVE HEART DISEASE!  I refuse to believe that this is it for me! I will not go silently, I will not go without a fight! For a few days before it happened I was really out of sorts in my head. Doom and Gloom, it is over, I am useless and every other way to judge ones self poorly. But now it is me against the world and forces I can not see. I have an every waking moment reminder in my chest, and it fucking hurts so there is no way to forget. I find myself having to attempt to concentrate extremely hard to preform the simplest of tasks as time goes on.

Me and the wife at the Castle in Disney World 

B.D.  Before Death

   When I do sleep at this point I have night mares. When I am awake I am living a night mare. I get my hours extended by my Doc for work in the hopes that they will accept me like they used to. I still have problems with simple tasks. I notice the chemicals I used to be pretty well immune to, are now affecting me like never before. The tension for me at work is now thick, it feels like it can be cut with a knife. I do my best to maintain a good quality of work. I am training a couple of guys that keep coming across that they do not want to learn. When you do explain something to them they ask someone else. They keep telling the boss that they are always being told that I am saying they are doing everything wrong. The stress it is creating in me is unreal. I now have genuine chest pain, but I am scared, so I choose not to tell my Doc. It is now the end of February in 2012, I have decided to consult with a lawyer about a possible bankruptcy. I had been painting the floor at work, in a not so well ventilated shop, after all, it is cold and open doors would make everyone uncomfortable. I feel a more rapid rate in my chest but I didn't wear my heart rate monitor watch so I pass it off as nothing. I drive to my consultation, Yes I cheated and started driving early.

   

   
 
    I get to the lawyers office and am getting out of the car when my box lites me up like the picture above. It puts me down in the seat like a horse kicking me in the chest with both hind legs. I slam my leg with the car door, so I think at any rate. For those of you that have not had the luxury of ten million volts of electricity shooting directly through your heart and shorting out your brain, I will describe what happens to the best of my ability. It sat me back down as you already know. I had not released my grip on the door, or my muscles tightened and I grabbed it with a Kung Fu grip. I slammed the door on my leg, my mind went blank. I have no idea how long it takes, but things turn on one at a time. It seems like hours, an eye comes on. your spleen re-starts, you  regain muscle control over your bladder. Hope you didn't have to go cause most likely you just did. Your brain starts to boot up and slowly your other eye turns back on. Now, I have Turrets when I get shocked. How do I know this?, The rather robust woman standing in front of my car with her mouth hanging open and her hands over her sons ears would be proof. Plus, I cussed for at least 10 or 15 minutes after the fact. When I was rebooted enough to smell, I swear all the hair in my nose burned away as well. Called Doc, he said if I felt OK, don't come in but take my evening dose of  metoprolol and if anything weird happened to get into the ER immediately!

   I tell my wife about this, I drive home and call in sick for the following day. I go to the EP clinic and get my little black box interrogated, it spills its guts. It didn't even try to keep a secret. You wouldn't want to have it as your partner if you were trying to with hold information. It tells them everything. I have 13 years of battery life. My heart likes to speed up and slow down. It shows them when I exercise and how fast it gets going. It explains to them that aside from kicking my everlovin ass it likes to pace me when I sleep. It doesnt like that my heart wants to be below 65 Bpm when I sleep. It tells them my birthday, my height, my weight, and everything else. Damned little squealer, I am beginning to fear you...


 Short one tonight but keep coming back. More to come