Back to the Hospital!

   My Doc calls me back, and says I need to go to the ER immediately! I need to be looked at to figure out why my device keeps going off. I am like great, I will be there in an hour or two. Thinking to myself, that's another 100 dollars I don't have. This is just like having someone follow me about with an adding machine, and every time he touches a button it sucks more money out of my checking account. So I bitch and moan to my lovely bride and hop into the shower. Probably the most important and sad part of talking with the Doc was when he said "Do not drive yourself!" Does he know me? I mean come on, do you really think I am capable of driving myself to the hospital right now? Damned Straight! OK, My wife drove me in to the Hospital. I may be a bit crazy, but I am certainly not a total idiot.

   So I am showered and I get my butt into the car. I am not a real happy person at this time, and with every breath I think I am going to get shocked again. That last one was a real doozie! Panicking the whole way to the Hospital, and not sure what the hell is going on. I am confused and scared about what I am imagining is going to happen. Am I going to go through all the mid evil tortures, conscious of everything they are going to do to me? Are they going to get the paddles out and shock me externally? They are going to poke me full of holes again! I can feel the needles already! We are almost completely out of the driveway at this point in my thoughts. This is going to be a long, long ride. By the time we get to the end of the street, I am imagining my box hanging out of my chest, opened up with wires everywhere and I am hooked up to a diagnostic machine for cars from the late 80's. Tesla coils in the back ground, Igor saying "yes master!" and pressing a button and a big ass bolt of lightning slams into my chest. Then I hear Dr. Evil from Austin Powers laughing. I don't know how I am going to survive the trip to the hospital. I do know I am starving at this point and I am wanting a sausage egg and cheese McMuffin from Micky D's. Funny how I can lose my mind and still want a breakfast sandwich. 

   So we get to the ER, they check me out in admissions and then rush me back into a room in the ER. The nurse comes in and takes some blood, then they promptly forget about me. I am freaking out, and they forget about me. My wife is notifying everyone she can, and I am wanting to play with everything in the room, but nothing and I mean nothing is working. How come I always get the broken one? Well hours pass, and I have been trying to get some attention from the staff and its just not working. My Mom and Dad come in to see me and keep my mind occupied for a while and help pass the time. I have been running to and from the bathroom in a dress again, that is just as broken as all the equipment in my room. The ER is busy as hell and I decide that maybe its a good thing that I am such a low priority. I try to use patience as I am trying to turn over a new leaf in my life. I don't remember what time it was, but a nurse or orderly walked buy and acted surprised to see someone in that room. So I asked if she could find out when I was going to see a Dr. or if they were going to send me home or what? So about 10 minuets later the Doc came in. She explained they had forgotten about me because the room was pretty well out of order, they couldn't even see me on the monitor at the nurses station. That's a real comfort! Brand new hospital, broken equipment that they cant even read me at the nurses station. Now I am freaking out, what if something would have happened? What if I did the funky chicken dance and was flopping on the floor like a fish? No one would have known! My confidence level in this ER was shattered. They moved me to e room where all the torture devices and monitors were working and started crawling up my booty with a microscope. OK, perhaps I can still go home tonight. Nope! Not going to happen! I am going to stay the night.

   So the next morning arrives and the ER is busy as all get out again, and I am expecting to be released. The Doc comes in and says my room is ready, I am like great I was wondering when I was going to get to... What? My room is ready? OK I suppose we are in for a holiday stay here once again. They take me up to the 10th floor, cardiac unit, and then my Doc pops in. I talk with him for a little while and he says I can have anything I want to eat, I am not on a special diet. So I call down to place my order, I was forced to eat heart healthy lol. They brought me a cup of hot water, because decaffeinated coffee still has caffeine in it. The Psychiatrist comes in with one of the other Docs on the floor, they grill me with all kinds of questions.  Apparently when they ask you, "Do you have a plan?" Doesn't everybody is not the correct answer. Here we go Prozac! Here we go! Then My Docs boss come in and says that they are going to put me on Sotalol and they will need to monitor me as it could increase the electrical currents across my heart and get me shocked again. Oh Whoppee! This is so exciting, I can't believe I waited my entire life to try this! Then they start talking about ablations and other possible types of remedies for my condition. The wonderful world of invasive procedures and tortures I am so so so excited!

    This is where they run a little laser on the end of a string from your abdomen, Up I-25 to exit 277,  We will exit on 277 hanging a full tilt right turn into the 7-11 parking lot. What we do now is create our own drive through over to the HVAC system and we welderize around the duct work and you should be good as new. Kinda!  So basically they run a bore scope through your artery and into your heart. Its very similar to an angiogram, or angioplasti or even fishing the leads into place for your ICD or Pace maker. But they have a heated tip in the end so they can kill the tissues around the veins that feed the heart from the lungs. Fantastic! How was I selected for such an interesting procedure Doc? Oh and while we are on the subject explain, kinda...

   Kinda means there are no guarantees that it will be effective. I am not sure the exact percentage of success they have had with this but I know it was not worth it for me at this time. It is quite interesting however, at least to me. I should have been an evil scientist I believe. Well, They start my new meds, and they wake me for blood and all my other body fluids every 2 or 3 hours. They also let me run circles around the cardiac unit, Whoo Hoo! My neighbor, I don't even know his name. He was 32 and was brought over from the ICU, and went back into fibrillation and I understand he didn't make it. How scary is it to hear a guy through the wall being shocked and CPR being preformed. OMG! What the hell am I in for? Let me out of here, I wanna go home now! We did not do the ablation, though it has not been eliminated from possibilities. I was put on my new medication, and my heart rate dropped to 80 Bpm and the electrical current across my heart stayed very low. They released me a day early from the Hospital.

  Home at last! 3.5 days in the hospital and I return to my sweet little slice of paradise! 

 I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. I do hope it is entertaining even though it is such a serious subject. I Appreciate all the feed back I have gotten so far!

 Thanks A Bunch! Please keep coming back!